Wednesday, September 25, 2013

DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES - The Full Tale. A talk show with Arthur J. Jones

Today, I’m going to host a talk show.

Yes, you read it well, a talk show. I’m going to host some of the characters of my last novel, DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES – The Full Tale – published by May-December Publications.

I personally invited Captain Daniel Drake, Admiral O’Neill, Captain Lorraine Dumont, and the Crimson Roger here at the Banshee’s Cry pub, in Prosperity Glades. It was very difficult bringing them here from an alternate universe, but thanks to the marvels of Vorlon technology, I was able to breach the barrier between dimensions and whisk them away for a short time.
However, I’m not going to interview them. I leave that dangerous duty to Arthur J. Jones, a well known resident who had some major change of luck lately (from vagrant to billionaire) and is doing much for this little hamlet.
Arthur J. Jones: G’evening, ladies, gentlemen, and … whatever you are (points to the Crimson Roger). Now, keep in mind this the first time I do this, so please be patient and try to open your mouth one-at-a-time. This guy, Kosh, the one who published my story (FIVE), asked me to interview you creeps about a book titled DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Daniel 'Drake' Davies: The Full Tale. It’s the longer version of the short story I narrated last year …

Jones: Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, for what I see it’s a pirate story, right?

Everybody, excepts the Crimson Roger, nods.

Jones: Do you disagree on that, Mister?

The Crimson Roger: We don’t think it’s a ‘pirate tale’. We see it as the personal vision of a deluded man who thinks he saved the world from a terrible scourge. Yet, it remains to be seen.

Morgan 'Red Leg' O’Neill: This reminds me of the battle of Pinhilla. We were outnumbered, but we buccaneers had something that …

Jones: Okay, okay, man, leave that for another time. Lets just stay focused on the book. Who’s the main character in it?”

Drake: Me. I’m the hero, Hermano. I’m the one who rushed in where angels feared to tread.

Roger: You’re not! You just happened to be in the right place in the right moment. You, pompous and arrogant swab, are just dead meat. Weren’t for our curse you would just be one of the Risen by now.

Drake: Belay it, you skullface. I led my crew into battle, across the Devil’s Sea, straight into the center of the maelstrom. You and your cold crew were just ballast.

O’Neill: Blimey! Now I remember! We used ballast to escape from the wake of the Nuestra Senora Incoronada. That Spaniard ship was right behind us, shooting lead into our very bumhole. So, I …

Jones: Please! Please! The book! Oh, I wish I had … Nevermind. I swore to never wish anymore. I will ask one of you. All the others stay silent, please. You, Ma’am. Who’s the main character in the novel?

Lorraine 'Le Corbeau Noir' Dumont: D’accord. I don’t know. I think Kaya was the most important figure in the ritual at Mabouyacay. Without her magie, there was no way we could accomplish anything.

Jones: Kaya? Where’s this woman?

Lorraine: Well … she …

Drake: Don’t say anything, Hermosa! You don’t want to spoil the whole story, right?

O’Neill: Oh, c’mon! This story has been told and retold so many times. Everybody knows that Kaya

Jones: No! Absolutely no spoilers, please. Kosh has been very clear on that point. I don’t want to know what happened to this Kaya. I will read the book. Now, use one word. Just one (looks at O’Neill) to describe this tale.

Drake: Adventurous.

Lorraine: Romance.

O’Neill: Tall tale. That’s two words, but I can’t find a better way. Actually, this reminds me …

Jones: Mr. Roger?

Roger: Nonsense.

Jones: I understand you didn’t like it. Why?

Drake: Guy’s just jealous. He's got less pages than me.

Roger: Nay! It’s the story. It’s as phony as this swab in front of our deadlights. It never went that way!

Drake: You are delusional, Amigo.

Roger: So tell us, swab, tell us why we are still here? We should be dead, forever forgotten, lost in the sea of mists surrounding the Scarlet Witch. Yet, we still ply the high seas, bringing death and misery to your pathetic colonies.

Jones: Why do you refer to yourself in plural?

Roger: Cause we are many. This body is just a vessel for all the lost souls of the Scarlet Witch. We are the Accursed.

Jones: Accursed? What does that mean?

O’Neill: There’s a curse on the Scarlet Witch’s crew. A curse worse than that of the Risen. Its captain had it befell on all the men 'board that bloody vessel. It all started before the Plague

Drake: Don’t spoil my story, old man!

O’Neill: Admiral! Call me Admiral. I should have had you jerk in the Devil’s arms a long time ago, scoundrel.

Lorraine: Merde! Can we just talk about the book, can we?

Drake: Aye. DEAD MEN is just a tale. There’s romance, horror, adventure, and drama. You can believe as much as you want of it, but anyway it happened. In the place we come from, a great plague destroyed the nations of Europe in 1666. Carried by the Risen, dead that won’t stay dead, it forced the survivors to escape to the New World, where, apparently, there was no trace of it. However, as we found out later …

Jones: Go on.

Drake: Nay. Buy the book.

Roger: The curse was older than that. Magic has always been part of our world. Do you believe in ghost stories, Sir? Fine, cause you are just into one.

Jones: Oh, no please, I had my own share of creeps. Well, time to say g’bye, we are boring enough our readers.

O’Neill: Wait, I haven’t finished with the battle of Pinhilla!


The Characters

Arthur J. Jones: The protagonist of FIVE, he was a drunken tramp who had the luck (or misfortune) to meet a weird being which promised him to answer to five of his questions about everything. This turned him into a billionaire, but soon he regretted knowing too much.

Captain Daniel ‘Drake’ Daniels: Dashing captain of the Banshee’s Cry, he was forced to sign the League of the Antilles chart, turning him into a legit privateer (or lapdog, as he often says). Dislikes authorities and dreams about being his own master.

Captain Lorraine Justine Dumont: The daughter of a French explorer, she ended up becoming one of the most successful and feared pirate of the Caribbean: Le Corbeau Noir (the Black Raven). Commanding the Raven’s Nest, she stays away from politics, preferring to set sail to her own destiny.

Admiral Morgan ‘Red Leg’ O’Neill: One of the leaders of the League of the Antilles, this old seadog rose to power by betraying Captain Morgan and rebelling against English rule of Jamaica. Known blabbermouth, has a story for anything. If you care to listen.

The Crimson Roger: He looks like an undead creature, more bones than flesh. The captain of the Scarlet Witch, he and his crew of Accursed suffer under a terrible malediction cast by the Voodoo Queen of Mabouyacay. Their quest for the Crystal Skull will bring them in conflict with the crew of the Banshee’s Cry.

The Book

The Caribbean Sea, 1708 AD.

In Port Royal many have heard the legend of the Black Brig, a ship of the damned bringing a fate worse than death to the isolated colonies of the Caribbean Sea.
But few know the true story behind the tavern tales.
As the war between the Northern Alliance and the League of the Antilles looms on the horizon, an old captain is ready to embark on a venture to cease the blight of the Black Brig once for all and have his revenge.
Set in an alternate historical setting, where a supernatural plague caused the fall of the European powers and where what was left of humanity struggles to survive in the New World, DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES – THE FULL TALE narrates the ghastly voyage pirate captain Daniel Drake Davies underwent in 1676, and the events that will force him to confront those same horrors thirty years later. For the dead do not rest peacefully in the Devil’s Sea.
Pirates, voodoo, and seagoing undead await you in this fantastic journey in a land that never was. 

DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES – THE FULL TALE expands and completes the best selling short story, with new characters, unexpected twists, and more horrors.

You’ve heard the tale … now listen to the whole story.


“Errol Flynn would be pleased, George Romero would be pleased, Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert Louis would be pleased, and I think you'll be pleased, too.” – Trent Zelazny, award-winning author of Tool Late to Call Texas.

“I applaud Jeffrey Kosh for an original take on both pirate fiction and zombie fiction!” – Suzi M, author of the Immortal War Series.

“Written in the vein of the classic ghost ship tale, "Dead Men Tell No Tales" has the feel of Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner told in prose.” – Leigh M. Lane, 2013 Epic Awards finalist and author of Finding Poe.

I love reading zombie stories, especially fresh takes on the subgenre. The author does it here, with pirates (another reading love of mine!) and blends them both into a unique short story that is well-written and a great read. – Armand Rosamilia, author of the Miami Spy Games zombie spy thriller series.